Friday the 13th

Friday the 13th

Over the past week, I have watched every single Friday the 13th film except for the 2009 remake, which I saw previously.

These movies are awful, so awful that they are amazing.  The Friday the 13th franchise started as a way to capitalize off of Halloween's success, and the series has turned into a recurring box office success.  It is one of the most profitable franchises ever, grossing more than $460 million across all of the films with a cumulative budget of approximately $81 million.

I have no idea why these films are so profitable.  The standards for the franchise are extremely low, and even the best movies in the franchise are mediocre at best.  Despite this, I watched 11 of the films in the course of one week.

I would rate the films, in order from best to worst, as follows:

1. Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter
2. Friday the 13th Part VI: Jason Lives
3. Friday the 13th Part III
4. Freddy vs. Jason
5. Friday the 13th (2009)
6. Friday the 13th: A New Beginning
7. Friday the 13th Part 2
8. Jason X
9. Friday the 13th (1980)
10. Friday the 13th Part VII: The New Blood
11. Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan
12. Jason Goes to Hell: The Final Friday

I would not recommend any of these films apart from my the top two.  You're wasting your time if you decide to sit through of of these films.

You Snooze, You Lose

You Snooze, You Lose

You snooze, 

You lose,

Ted Cruz.

You use

The Jews,

Ted Cruz.

You're wrought

And bruised,

Ted Cruz.

You lie

As you choose,

Ted Cruz.

You're Exhausted and Obsessed

You're predictable,

You're basic,

John Kasich.

You're blind

And need LASIK,

John Kasich.

You've lost

And you're depressed.

You're exhausted

And obsessed, 

But

You'll never

Beat

The best,

John Kasich.

Lyin' Ted

Lyin' Ted

You think that you're all that but you're not,

Lyin' Ted.

You want to be president but you won't,

Lyin' Ted.

You're a wolf wearing sheep's clothes,

Lyin' Ted.

You're an ogre with a deformed nose,

Lyin' Ted.

You're a lawyer and a sneak

A liar with a beak

You're nothing

If not meek

Lyin' Ted.

 

Suspension of Disbelief

Suspension of Disbelief

*SPOILER ALERT*

 

I have been watching a lot of horror movies recently, and I've run into a huge problem: none of them scare me.  That's not meant as a humble-brag, I just genuinely find it difficult to get scared.  It's not a problem of the movies being poor quality or the characters being impossible to empathize with.  Instead, I have found the root of my problem to be my difficulty in suspending my disbelief.  

I've watched The Witch, The Ring, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, The Conjuring, [REC], [REC] 2, [REC] 3, [REC] 4, Creep, The Tunnel, and V/H/S over the past two months, yet the only movie that managed to move me in any way was [REC].

The problem with many horror movies is that most of them rely on jump scares, and most of them are implausible.  Jump scares are incredibly predictable.  When I watch a horror movie, I go into it expecting jump scares.  I find myself constantly thinking of what is going to pop out when someone enters a new room.  The Ring did a good job of using jump scares by inserting them as flashbacks at random times, yet they fell short because they were either shown already or had no sound.  I don't know about you, but simply seeing a picture of a dead person with a funny face doesn't really do anything for me.  Even if I am not expecting it, flashing it on the screen with no abrasive sound to accompany it is more comedic than anything else.

Many of the movies that I watched had implausible plots.  As someone that does not believe in the occult, all but The Texas Chainsaw Massacre were ruled out as plausible scenarios in the real world.  Despite being founded in reality, I also found Texas Chainsaw to be an impossibility in today's society.  The idea of a gas station selling human meat is incredibly hard to believe, as the government enforces harsh regulations on establishments that sell food, and I cannot see a health inspector allowing a gas station to sell untested meat.

What I've found after watching these movies is that I am very boring.  I found all of these movies entertaining, yet I did not physically or emotionally respond to these movies in any negative way.  The sole exception was [REC].  This movie was the best movie that I watched, and it was the only one that I thought had quality jump scares and an unnerving plot line.  The movie being entirely in Spanish also helped to distract from other motifs and cliches of horror movies, such as bad acting and cheesy dialogue.  

I hope that one day I will have an easier time of suspending my disbelief and being truly terrified by a movie, but I will continue watching movies of this genre in the meantime.  Even though many of them are bad, horror movies can be quite entertaining.

Copypasta

Copypasta

I forgot to write my blog post last week...

I could have written my blog post about forgetfulness, senioritis, or any other cliche topic, but I find those things too blasé.  I could have continued a previous blog post as well, but I didn't.

Instead of copying the topic from a previous blog and expanding upon it, I decided to shake things up.  Repetition can get boring, and I am trying to break the norm and push boundaries every week on my blog.  In honor of the Republican debate tonight, I decided to type up a sh*tstorm of a blog post. The following are edited "copypastas," text that have been copied and pasted a multitude of times across the internet.

Because this is a blog, I have edited the contents of these copypastas to reflect my blog.  I believe that there is one key message to take away from the following: even though I have faltered, I will never give up in my pursuit of greatness.

>MFW

>👌👀👌👀👌👀👌👀👌👀 bad stuff bad sTuff👌 thats ✔ some unfortunate👌👌blogging right👌👌there👌👌👌 right✔there ✔✔if i do ƽaү so my self 💯 i say so 💯 thats what im talking about right there right there (chorus: ʳᶦᵍʰᵗ ᵗʰᵉʳᵉ) mMMMMᎷМ💯 👌👌 👌НO0ОଠOOOOOОଠଠOoooᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒ👌 👌👌 👌 💯 👌 👀 👀 👀 👌👌Bad blog

>I sexually Identify as a BLOGGER. Ever since I was a boy I dreamed of BLOGing ＵＰ ＨＥＲＥ ON Blogspot.com. People say to me that a person being a BLOGGER is Impossible and I’m ＭＡＴＥＲＩＡＬＩＳＴＩＣ but I don’t care, I’m this ＮＥＷ  BLOG POST  ＨＥＲＥ. I’m having a plastic surgeon install , 7 ＮＥＷ blog posts and ２０００  ｎｅｗ words on my body. From now on I want you guys to call me “ＮＥＷ  BLOG POST  ＨＥＲＥ” and respect my right to READ ＵＰ ＨＥＲＥ ON BLOGSPOT.COM. If you can’t accept me you’re a BLOGphobe and need to check your ̡ＧＮＡ͏ＷＬ͞Ｉ̛ＤＧＥ. Thank you, and I'll see you on my website.
>blog bläɡ/noun

a regularly updated website or web page, typically one run by an individual or small group, that is written in an informal or conversational style.

>They targeted bloggers.

Bloggers.

We're a group of people who will sit for hours, days, even weeks on end performing some of the hardest, most mentally demanding tasks. Over, and over, and over all for nothing more than a little grade saying we failed.

We'll punish our selfs doing things others would consider torture, because we think it's fun.

We'll spend most if not all of our free time min maxing the stats of purchasing socks all to draw out a single extra point for our grade.

Many of us have made careers out of doing just these things: slogging through the grind, all day, the same posts over and over, hundreds of times to the point where we know every little detail such that some have attained such blogger nirvana that they can literally read these posts blindfolded.

Do these people have any idea how many keyboards have been smashed, computers over heated, minds and marriages destroyed in frustration? All to latter be referred to as bragging rights?

These people honestly think this is a battle they can win? They take our media? We're already building a new one without them. They take our authors? Bloggers aren't shy about bringing their comments else where, or even making the posts our selves. They think calling us racist, mysoginistic, rape apologists is going to change us? We've been called worse things by prepubescent 10 year olds with no appreciation for quality writing. They picked a fight against a group that's already grown desensitized to their strategies and methods. Who enjoy the battle of attrition they've threatened us with. Who take it as a challange when they tell us we no longer matter. Our obsession with proving we can after being told we can't is so deeply ingrained from years of dealing with big brothers/sisters and friends laughing at how pathetic we used to be that proving you people wrong has become a very real need; a honed reflex.

Bloggers are competative, hard core, by nature. We love a challange. The worst thing you did in all of this was to challange us. You're not special, you're not original, you're not the first; this is just another blog post.