Lyin' Ted

Lyin' Ted

You think that you're all that but you're not,

Lyin' Ted.

You want to be president but you won't,

Lyin' Ted.

You're a wolf wearing sheep's clothes,

Lyin' Ted.

You're an ogre with a deformed nose,

Lyin' Ted.

You're a lawyer and a sneak

A liar with a beak

You're nothing

If not meek

Lyin' Ted.

 

Suspension of Disbelief

Suspension of Disbelief

*SPOILER ALERT*

 

I have been watching a lot of horror movies recently, and I've run into a huge problem: none of them scare me.  That's not meant as a humble-brag, I just genuinely find it difficult to get scared.  It's not a problem of the movies being poor quality or the characters being impossible to empathize with.  Instead, I have found the root of my problem to be my difficulty in suspending my disbelief.  

I've watched The Witch, The Ring, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, The Conjuring, [REC], [REC] 2, [REC] 3, [REC] 4, Creep, The Tunnel, and V/H/S over the past two months, yet the only movie that managed to move me in any way was [REC].

The problem with many horror movies is that most of them rely on jump scares, and most of them are implausible.  Jump scares are incredibly predictable.  When I watch a horror movie, I go into it expecting jump scares.  I find myself constantly thinking of what is going to pop out when someone enters a new room.  The Ring did a good job of using jump scares by inserting them as flashbacks at random times, yet they fell short because they were either shown already or had no sound.  I don't know about you, but simply seeing a picture of a dead person with a funny face doesn't really do anything for me.  Even if I am not expecting it, flashing it on the screen with no abrasive sound to accompany it is more comedic than anything else.

Many of the movies that I watched had implausible plots.  As someone that does not believe in the occult, all but The Texas Chainsaw Massacre were ruled out as plausible scenarios in the real world.  Despite being founded in reality, I also found Texas Chainsaw to be an impossibility in today's society.  The idea of a gas station selling human meat is incredibly hard to believe, as the government enforces harsh regulations on establishments that sell food, and I cannot see a health inspector allowing a gas station to sell untested meat.

What I've found after watching these movies is that I am very boring.  I found all of these movies entertaining, yet I did not physically or emotionally respond to these movies in any negative way.  The sole exception was [REC].  This movie was the best movie that I watched, and it was the only one that I thought had quality jump scares and an unnerving plot line.  The movie being entirely in Spanish also helped to distract from other motifs and cliches of horror movies, such as bad acting and cheesy dialogue.  

I hope that one day I will have an easier time of suspending my disbelief and being truly terrified by a movie, but I will continue watching movies of this genre in the meantime.  Even though many of them are bad, horror movies can be quite entertaining.

Copypasta

Copypasta

I forgot to write my blog post last week...

I could have written my blog post about forgetfulness, senioritis, or any other cliche topic, but I find those things too blasé.  I could have continued a previous blog post as well, but I didn't.

Instead of copying the topic from a previous blog and expanding upon it, I decided to shake things up.  Repetition can get boring, and I am trying to break the norm and push boundaries every week on my blog.  In honor of the Republican debate tonight, I decided to type up a sh*tstorm of a blog post. The following are edited "copypastas," text that have been copied and pasted a multitude of times across the internet.

Because this is a blog, I have edited the contents of these copypastas to reflect my blog.  I believe that there is one key message to take away from the following: even though I have faltered, I will never give up in my pursuit of greatness.

>MFW

>👌👀👌👀👌👀👌👀👌👀 bad stuff bad sTuff👌 thats ✔ some unfortunate👌👌blogging right👌👌there👌👌👌 right✔there ✔✔if i do ƽaү so my self 💯 i say so 💯 thats what im talking about right there right there (chorus: ʳᶦᵍʰᵗ ᵗʰᵉʳᵉ) mMMMMᎷМ💯 👌👌 👌НO0ОଠOOOOOОଠଠOoooᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒ👌 👌👌 👌 💯 👌 👀 👀 👀 👌👌Bad blog

>I sexually Identify as a BLOGGER. Ever since I was a boy I dreamed of BLOGing ＵＰ ＨＥＲＥ ON Blogspot.com. People say to me that a person being a BLOGGER is Impossible and I’m ＭＡＴＥＲＩＡＬＩＳＴＩＣ but I don’t care, I’m this ＮＥＷ  BLOG POST  ＨＥＲＥ. I’m having a plastic surgeon install , 7 ＮＥＷ blog posts and ２０００  ｎｅｗ words on my body. From now on I want you guys to call me “ＮＥＷ  BLOG POST  ＨＥＲＥ” and respect my right to READ ＵＰ ＨＥＲＥ ON BLOGSPOT.COM. If you can’t accept me you’re a BLOGphobe and need to check your ̡ＧＮＡ͏ＷＬ͞Ｉ̛ＤＧＥ. Thank you, and I'll see you on my website.
>blog bläɡ/noun

a regularly updated website or web page, typically one run by an individual or small group, that is written in an informal or conversational style.

>They targeted bloggers.

Bloggers.

We're a group of people who will sit for hours, days, even weeks on end performing some of the hardest, most mentally demanding tasks. Over, and over, and over all for nothing more than a little grade saying we failed.

We'll punish our selfs doing things others would consider torture, because we think it's fun.

We'll spend most if not all of our free time min maxing the stats of purchasing socks all to draw out a single extra point for our grade.

Many of us have made careers out of doing just these things: slogging through the grind, all day, the same posts over and over, hundreds of times to the point where we know every little detail such that some have attained such blogger nirvana that they can literally read these posts blindfolded.

Do these people have any idea how many keyboards have been smashed, computers over heated, minds and marriages destroyed in frustration? All to latter be referred to as bragging rights?

These people honestly think this is a battle they can win? They take our media? We're already building a new one without them. They take our authors? Bloggers aren't shy about bringing their comments else where, or even making the posts our selves. They think calling us racist, mysoginistic, rape apologists is going to change us? We've been called worse things by prepubescent 10 year olds with no appreciation for quality writing. They picked a fight against a group that's already grown desensitized to their strategies and methods. Who enjoy the battle of attrition they've threatened us with. Who take it as a challange when they tell us we no longer matter. Our obsession with proving we can after being told we can't is so deeply ingrained from years of dealing with big brothers/sisters and friends laughing at how pathetic we used to be that proving you people wrong has become a very real need; a honed reflex.

Bloggers are competative, hard core, by nature. We love a challange. The worst thing you did in all of this was to challange us. You're not special, you're not original, you're not the first; this is just another blog post.

Oscars 2016

Oscars 2016

Who won an Oscar?

Leonardo DiCapri

o.  Water flows east.

I hope you enjoyed my AUTHENTIC haiku about the Academy Awards.  There are layers of hidden meanings in this haiku.  Comment below with your analysis.

One-On-One

One-On-One

Tonight's democratic debate featured Hillary Clinton and Bernie Sanders arguing over who is better fit to serve as president.  The New Hampshire primary is on Tuesday, and this debate was Hillary's chance to get more support in a state that she is likely to lose.

The Democratic debate is now a one-on-one format, because the third candidate polling at more than one percent, Martin O'Malley, dropped out after his disappointing performance at the Iowa caucus.  The debate is a lot different without MOM's humor and sob stories.  The debate is about the issues, rather than playing on the heartstrings of those watching.

The biggest takeaway from this debate for me is that Bernie is overrated.  Many young people and celebrities like his socialist positions, as they pander to people that don't understand how money works.  He flaunts around ideas like universal healthcare and free college even though these things are not currently possible.  Congress would not allow these plans to pass, and he would fall through on all of these promises.

On top of his inability to fulfill campaign promises, Sanders does not know how to communicate with foreign leaders.  When asked who the largest threat is among Iran, Russia, and North Korea, Sanders said that he feared North Korea the most.  Anyone with an ounce of knowledge in the realm of global politics could tell you that North Korea is a threat.  Their entire platform is built around using scare tactics and threatening rhetoric in order to get free food from other countries.  There is nothing to fear from a country so poor and weak that their entire governmental system would collapse from the death of one person.

Bernie Sanders is an idealist; he is a dreamer.  Unfortunately, dreams aren't real, and neither are his proposals.  Bernie Sanders will not live up to people's expectations.  We need a real leader instead; we need Donald Trump.

Death is Inevitable

Death is Inevitable

The recent absence of our lord and savior, Donald Trump, in the Fox News GOP Debate has me questioning whether or not it is worth it to go on living.  What is the use living in a world where a lowly news reporter can bully a potential world leader into backing out of one of the most important presidential debates?  On top of that, death is inevitable, so what is the point of even living?

I am just kidding, of course.  But in all seriousness, I think that it is crazy how Megyn Kelly has so much power in these debates.  I do not understand why a right-wing news outlet would let their own staff member defile the reputation of a high-quality debate by using her own biases to bring down Donald Trump's campaign.

Donald Trump is the most reputable and most qualified candidate to act as our president.  He is the only person who has stuck to his guns on major issues such as abortion, health care, and CHI-na.  We need Trump to make America great again, and Megyn Kelly is standing in our way.  She should be drawn and quartered for her attacks against The Donald so that people understand that nothing will stand in the way of progress.

Help.

Red

Red

Apples, tomatoes, blood, raspberries, strawberries, lipsticks, rubies, roses, ketchup, meat, peppers, firetrucks, cardinals, radishes, licorice, cherries, hearts, ladybugs, watermelon, Elmo, Republicans, Starbucks cups, Ferrari, Big Red, cranberries, lobsters, Mars, holly, Tabasco, scarlet tanagers, barns, fire hydrants, vermilion flycatchers, pepperoni, crimson rosellas, The Crimson Chin, red pandas, parrots, crabs, starfish, tomato sauce, fire ants, bricks, hematite, Darth Maul, salami, Sith lightsabers, foxes, Clifford the Big Red Dog, Rudolph's nose, Nazis, Angry Birds, lasers, Santa, Christmas, Valentine's Day, red squirrels, clay, Red M&Ms, YouTube, red crayons, stop signs, traffic lights, hotline phones, Blinky, Mario, red velvet cake, Louis Vuitton Red Bottoms, Yeezy 2 Red Octobers, catsup, British telephone booths, British double-decker buses, red Crocs, red-handed, Coca-Cola, red balloons, red wine, Solo cups, Communism, Russia, China, Beats by Dre, Red Cross, Cincinnati Reds, Air Canada, Swiss Army, pentagrams, fire, Red Sox, hot dogs, Jell-O, redrum, Red Robin, Chili's, Chick Fil-A, Staples, begonia tubers, dahlia tubers, geraniums, nasturtiums, marigolds, lobelias, poppy, Santander, salvia, scarlet fever, chickenpox, cowpox, rashes, McDonald's, American stripes, rust, maple trees, Canadian flag, North Korea, and red paint are all red.

What is your favorite color?